You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
