I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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