Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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