just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
the day after is always just damage control
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize