Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
