ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
