You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
