Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
