Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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