This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
