and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize