Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
