I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
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If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
