new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
