Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
