Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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