he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i now understand why vodka
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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