your parents love me but you hate me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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