never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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