we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My bed smells like the plague
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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