The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
