Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
