Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
