i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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