what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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