I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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