The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize