May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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