Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
