My nipple is on Facebook.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
