There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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