Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
