i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
