please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
