I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
