Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
