If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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