i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
