I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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