i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
