If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
