Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
