3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
