he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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