I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
