Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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