Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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