i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
