I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
