update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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