Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize