what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
