in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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