I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
