At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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