Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
