We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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