I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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