Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
