New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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