if you like me you must not know who I am
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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