I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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