I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
