i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
