started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
