Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
