I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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