I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
