he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
