i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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