That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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