32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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