I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I have tasted many bathrooms
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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