my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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