If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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