I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
