we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
