You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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