I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
