Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
