he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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