Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
