I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize