I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
