I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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