just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
