I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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