Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
