it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Just puked most of my soul out..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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