meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
You can't special order awesome
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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