his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize