its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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