Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
