Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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