Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
