we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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