The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
