Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
