I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
