I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
