ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
