I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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