im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
