And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
