I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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