I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
