if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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