if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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