They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can't turn off my feet"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
