Can i not drive my cunt home
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize