he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
