on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
