Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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