Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
