note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
